Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The one with bad water pressure.

Well. It has been a little bit of time since my last post and for good reason. Life in the Sarlacc pit has been interesting to say the least. Where should I being...

"You remind me of Anne." he told me when I said something ridiculous, as I usual. At first I wasn't sure if I should be insulted or complimented. So after he left, I did as any woman who oozes with confidence and does not need to slink to such levels, I googled Anne. Because hey, I almost ALWAYS sink to levels. Its what makes everything else not seem as bad.

When I found Anne, I wasn't sure how I felt. Anne was a motivated gal with gumption, who was uncharacteristically pretty and had quite a unique taste in attire. I also noticed she was also a mid twenty something struggling in every aspect of her life. Perhaps it was easy for me to detect that since I know exactly where she is coming from.

My new beau pegged me for something so shockingly similar, I had hopped it was not all of the above but maybe something small. Maybe we both have a quirky side smile, or look at him the same way when he makes a joke. I compared myself to the little things. Hoping that I could convince myself that the guy who has only been on a few dates with, does not know my horrible secret...

Perhaps I am too wrapped up in being slowly digested for 1,000 years that I divulge more then I should. Is that bad? Maybe not doing so would only fool everyone around me.. Gah! Further proof...

I lost (apparently) the love of my life, my condo, my schooling and my job all at once. It was like a horrible coming of age movie staring Katherine Heigl. But, unlike the movies, things did not just happen. I had to put semi effort into getting another part time job, a crappy apartment I could afford on said crappy wage, and send a few emails to get back into my program at university. The worst of it all, was that I had help because I wined to the right people.  I didn't work that hard, I was having a pity party for one, and the people around me wanted me to settle down like a child after a temper tantrum.

The secret, further proof.... I AM A Y-GEN! I know I know... Shocking. For anyone who doesn't know what a y-gen is, its the generation of offspring from baby boomers.

Baby boomers were born to parents who survived war. They were hard working folk who took simple pleasures in life, told their kids to work hard because thats what people do! Well, the Baby Boomers decided that they would work hard, and when they had kids they would let them be free to make their own decisions, even if they had to support them a little longer. Well, thats what happened. All us y-gen who were teens when the internet became a thing believe we are a special snow flake that can become anything they wanted! Except they forgot to tell us about failure and how to deal with it. I classify under the above statement. I cannot settle for less then awesome and will have a tantrum like a child every time it doesn't go according to plan, if ever.

Maybe there really isn't a way to escape the Sarlacc pit. Think of how many people were, and still are, being digested by it. Only a handful of beings have on record escaped, including Boba Fett, who bonded with the Sarlacc using some crazy will to get out. But who could withstand long enough to bond with it to make it out alive?

I suppose it's a little like I have started doing. My apartment is nice and large with bright windows. But it smells horrible and has weak water pressure with temperature that spikes to boil a lobster to arctic in seconds. Yet, I still come home pleased to my own space, and shower instead of bath even though I know its going to make me curse bloody murder and freak out my neighbours. I have even enjoyed spending time with my new man friend, who "unknowingly" insults me with the truth.

Hmm. Perhaps I have started a bond with the pit. Knowing me,  I would say that I wished I could be as laid back about all the bodies being digested alongside the constant mess. The Sarlacc would take it as a back handed complement about how messy its home is and push me down a few more feet.

Monday, August 11, 2014

ITS A TRAP! Metaphorically.

Do you know the story of Oedipus? Its an old Greek myth written by Sophocles. The story is about a man named Oedipus, who was told from a young age what he was in store for his future, a prophecy that he would kill his father and sleep with his mother.

It haunted him day and night, constantly trying to figure out how he could ever do what the prophecy said he would. The entire kingdom would bother him about it as well, which probably did not help him figure a way to escape the prophecy.

Then one night he hit breaking point when one of his bros turned to him and said: 'Hey! Oedipus buddy, when were you thinking on killing your father and sleeping with your Mother? I have a lot of cheddar riding on the first day of spring!' and Oedipus would be all like 'Dude, it was just a prophecy! I really don’t have any interest in doing ANY of those things. In fact, I so don’t want to do it that I am going to leave this place forever so there is no way it can even accidentally happen! PEACE!” So, Oedipus hit the open road to a new kingdom.

On the way to a new city he ran into some men on the highway. The men were defensive and tried to take Oedipus down because they thought he was going to rob them (even thought he was totally just going to ask for directions) Oedipus was in a bad mod already from earlier and in a fit of rage, Oedipus fought back, killing the three men.

Then all blood soaked he continued to the new city. Where he realized he had killed the king of his new city. 'Well, would you look at that! I killed a king so now I can become king! The guys back home are not going to believe this! PLUS, the current queen is a total babe, so I am also going to claim her and show off to the boys back home!'

A while after this, Oedipus finally contacted his father back home to tell him that he still hasn't killed his father or slept with his mother, but rather taken over a new kingdom and is all awesome and powerful now! This was when his father told him that he was not actually their biological child and that he was found near the city that Oedipus had just taken over. You see where I am going with this?

Oedipus left his home, away from what he thought was his mother and father so he didn’t kill or sleep with them, but it turns out they were not his real parents – one of the three men he killed on the highway was his real father, and the queen was his real mother. They had heard the same prophecy and sent him away so it wouldn’t come true. Both parties tried to avoid the inevitable, but their actions to avoid what they were told would happen was actually what caused these circumstances to happen.

Our generation prophecy is to over pay for an education to which you cannot get a real job from, so you have to get a job you hate that pays well, so you can pay for a wedding, and support all the babies you have just to get them to do the dirty cycle all over again.

I know I got to the breaking point like Oedipus. Unlike most people who would just stick it out and accept the prophecy, I didn’t. I want to fight it. But all the running away is just going to get me so drained to a point where I am going to have to settle into these positions of the prophecy. I hate that. Perhaps I can find a better way, now knowing my actions may be driven to follow the similar metaphorical events of Oedipus.

Growing up is a trap. There is no escaping it. But maybe I can change my future to be more like Rachel Greene instead of Oedipus. Being told by everyone that I am a shoe, when maybe I just want to be a hat! Maybe if I stay on my track of what I want instead of what I am told will happen I will avoid it all, not kill my father or sleep with my mother, followed by becoming a hat instead of a shoe!

All metaphors aside, here is my unfashionable fashion moment of the week:

When contacted by your ex, you can choose how to react to it. You can:
a) Respond with poise, you are confident because you are better then that
b) Give one word answers until they get the information they need
c) Seize the opportunity to confirm your ex's reasoning for not giving you the grand gesture you so desperately needed, and proceed to make a complete ass of yourself for the fifth time before realizing that you are actually the problem. Instead of taking this as a time to learn from this lesson, you don't and drown your sorrows in fast food and whiskey.

I am still digesting in the Sarlacc pit, but at least I have finally come to the conclusion I can start moving away from pathetic romantic attempts. In the brink of my fast food and whiskey hang over, I had finally made a decision that I am going to continue my pursuit in Art History. I love it, and it always accepted me in my pathetic romantic attempts.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Unfashionable Fashion, from the top!

It's been a long time friends. Longer then what I had expected. I wanted to find something that could harness everything I wanted to get across. I wanted something hilariously fashionable, fashion so terrible it was awesome. But every time I tried to sit down and write something witty and maybe even educational about topics most people would never come across. But I couldn't...

 I have finally found why I could not write about my topic... It wasn't meaningful or gave me any purpose to charge forward and make a successful blog. I was running away from that fact that most unfashionable thing in the world, is me!

Now, now, I know you think I am pretty fantastic and the furthest thing from unfashionable. (And thank you for that, I need the boost!) but what I am talking about is my life. Including subjects like career, romance, housing and recreational. I have fallen into the  bottomless sarlacc pit and I am screaming at the top of my lungs whilst being slowly digested for over 1,000 years!

Don't believe me?

On Careers... I am educated in Fashion Design and Marketing, Art History and about 10 years of successful sales experience. Obviously finding a job in Fashion and Art History is really what you make of it, and hugely the people you know. Well, I had a sour disposition and I definitely didn't know how to use the resources in people I knew. I currently work part time for a company I moved to another city for. I have put many man hours into finding a job that will motivate me and give me purpose. Purpose is more important to me then making a huge paycheck. I'm happy if my bills are paid. Anyways, at the start of next month the full timer on medical leave will be returning to work, and I will be without work.Time is ticking.

On Romance... Things did not end well with what I had thought was the love of my life. I moved out, went to Europe for a month and drank. A lot. It did not solve my problems or help me find a purpose. But I met some great people I will never forget, and had such an amazing time. Anyways, according to the Canadian mint, you still round down to 25 at 27 (Canada has phased out the penny, a rounding system has been set in place for businesses) so at least I can still be considered in my mid twenties for another year. But it is a tough age to not be even attached. You get asked all the same questions about if you actually want to get married or not, like being single was a choice we all pick. Ugh. I could go on... But I will save you from this rant only once.

On housing... With just moving to a new city I imposed on my best friend from high school and her fiance. Because well, why not? So I am crashing in the basement for little to no cost as I get back on my feet (Id like to take this chance to say that I do realize I am so very fortunate to have such amazing people taking care of me) the plan was to work for a few months, save some money up to get a place of my own. But now with little to no work, there is barely any money saved. So I will have to keep imposing until I get solid work.

On recreational... I have recently had surgery. Nothing serious, but enough to put me off most physically activity for a few weeks. I just got a bike I love to ride, but it will be a little bit before I can ride again with confidence. So I have taken up painting. I paint some of my favorite fictional characters, and famous painting as my Teddy Bear Ruth. I also attempt to play the ukelele, and watch old television shows. Pft, who am I kidding? I guess I have recreation down to a tee!

So. There you have it. My life in the sarlacc pit. I have become an unclassy lady with a horrible disposition on life. The challenge to myself is to get out of it as soon as possible. Perhaps I can bond with the sarlacc and use my jet pack to escape just as Bobba Fett did. I will use these blogs to record the hilarity that is my life, for your enjoyment. I will do it in the most unfashionable fashion possible.